my puppy love

guys, i bought a dog


it all happened so fast, literally.

i saw his adorable face on the humane society's facebook page and the moment they opened the next day he was mine.

his name is ajax (as in the awesome greek warrior, not the cleaner (;  )

he is a 3 year old, australian shepherd-blue heeler mix.

and dang gina, he has an independent, stubborn, i-will-do-what-i-want-when-i-want attitude.

he is fun and loving and cuddly.


and holy hair batman. they said moderate shedding, i don't know what world this is moderate in.

i brush twice a day, for 20 minutes each. and that makes it not so bad. he blows his coat twice a year, and that makes me want to cry.


i have had him since april 25 of this year.and he is my puppy love.

honestly, i couldn't be happier.

i have a case of the mama's. everything he does is cute, i look at him and he instantly melts my heart. which makes time-outs, submitting, and overall discipline really very difficult.

but, we are getting there! slowly but surely he is listening more and more. and being more gentle. which is good

really, the only 'problem' is that he is scared of little humans. we're talking will run away or bark when cornered terrified. so, that's definitely something we are going to have to work on.

but enough of this talk, i will show you my fluffy puppy love!

i may or may not be obsessed...(;

xo

air

moments

i have moments

moments of intense fear, of anxiety that is almost immobilizing, of self doubt so fierce i question everything i am, insecurities so deep rooted it takes all that i am to fight them off.

i have these moments pretty regularly, though they have decreased significantly.

it used to be daily, more than several times a day. to the point where i would change myself in just about every situation to be accepted and loved and wanted, to be included.

that got me into trouble later in life, it took a solid three emotional breakdowns and one bat-shit-crazy episode (now two years ago) to finally accept me, start living authentically, and stop changing who i am in differing situations.

of course compromise is a daily necessity...but i no longer give up pieces of myself to fit anyones idea of me, that box is not mine to fit in. i am me, and they can accept that or not be a part of my life. (ouch, that sounds harsh...but it's true. i will no longer change for people).

i am strong. i am beautiful. i am quirky. i am nerdy. i am an aspiring hipster. i am a photographer. i am an herbalist. i am a naturalist (read: hippie). i am a recovering disordered eater. i am a dog owner. i am in love with life. i am a learner. i am happy. i am healthy. i am whole. i am me.


and for the first time in my life, i am happy. that is truer than true. i mean true blue happy, all the way to the bone. none one bit of it is superficial.

i am following my dreams. i am doing what i want in life. and yeah, it's scary. super scary. accountability is at an all time high. failure will be all on me, and that risk is almost enough to make one stop short....but success will also be all on me, and that outweighs the risk all day every day.

you see, moments of fear and doubt used to rule my life.

and now, that's changed.

moments of happiness, of sheer deep embodied gratitude, moments of realization, of surety. good moments. moments that remind me i am on the right path for my being.

moments that remind me that this crazy busy and confusing life is mine. and it is grand. so so grand. and i don't want to miss it.


sometimes, i still try to run from being vulnerable and raw and open. (which is why my blogs are so sporadic, bt-dubs) it's a work in progress, and so far, i am pretty dang happy with the process.


life is brutal. and beautiful. and terrifying. and real. and lovely. and everything you have ever wanted and more. it's full of choices, you get to choose how you live, so make the choice.

life is stellar, y'all.




xo




air