hi

i'm air.

okay really, i'm Erin Leigh Cavin. but i prefer air. (hardly anyone calls me by it, but i figure if i stick to it, sooner or later, they're bound to. right?? right??)

my favorite colors are teal, aqua, sea foam, warm medium grey, white, and black. (and they will be my wedding colors)

my favorite juice is cranapple. because it's tart and a little bitter. i pretend it's wine and take bubble baths. (i think real wine is gross. a girl can dream)

my favorite jamba is razzmatazz.

i am absolutely horrible with money. i spend it on all sorts of things and all my people, also, i love to buy clothes and camera lenses. it's really bad.

i don't want to be married until i am at least 25. and i don't want my first little human before 28, preferably 30.

i am going to be a massage therapist, structural integrationist, and photographer.

i have three close girlfriends, which is the first time in years. and i absolutely love that fact.

i own way more camera bodies than is really necessary. i love all of them, and have even given them names. all of my inanimate objects are named, and they're all also male.

-chester is my upright piano
-thomas is my laptop (aka: lappy)
-oliver is my iphone
-theodore is ny nikon d60
-carlton is my canon ae-1
-frederick is my nikon n75
-harvey is my argus
-humphrey is my canon eos elan
-gus is my brownie
-edwin is my nikon fe

i love to read books. especially scyfy. i pick a character and become them while i read, to disappear for a moment. i live in their world, by their rules. and do as they do. and i love it. (sometimes i just need that break, y'know) just recently i have started getting into inspirational and motivational books like Carry on Warrior, Daring Greatly, or Unveiling Grace.

i use commas way too frequently and in the wrong places. i use run on sentences. i hate using uppercase letters. i write how i talk, so if you know me, you can imagine me saying any of this really quite easily. and i love that fact.

my goal is to blog authentically with full disclosure. it's a fine line for me, because as far as i am concerned, i don't mind others knowing my personal struggles. but i tend to add other's info in, without thinking of it, because i am so open, i just assume everyone else is too. which is hardly the case. so i am trying very hard to be open fully with me and my details, but vague with other's details. it's a work in progress, and sometimes just when i think i have it, i don't! such is life. (;

i play piano. avidly, and i love it. i dated a sweet boy who taught me a while back. and stopped playing for about a year after that break up, but i am getting back into playing daily again. glory hallelujah. i put so much effort and emotion into my playing, it is one of my favorite releases. and once i get a bit better, i will post videos for you.

photography is my passion, it's what i do to express my emotions, to let them run free. my photographs are saturated with the emotions felt when it was captured, and it is evident. i shoot both digital and film, however, i prefer film. film, to me, requires so much more work, much more time, patience, and a lot of understanding. it's so much more than "click" and there's your foto on the LCD screen. it's understanding the lighting, shadows, the zone system (scale of greys, whites, blacks), the subject and how that subject plays into the back and foreground. film is emotion. film is love. film is life. it is vital, it is real, it is authentic. it shows everything i strive to become and work for. digital is a whole other world, and i love it as well. i love the convenience, the ease, the comfort. i love being able to snap 1000 fotos without worrying about running out of exposures, i love being able to take as many fotos as necessary and one of them if bound to work out. i love them both. but they are different worlds, different worlds with different appreciations.

climbing. i have just started climbing the spring of 2013. it came at a serious time in my life, when i truly needed it more fiercely than i realized. you see, i have a habit of repressing my emotions, so completely. they bottle up, they turn to anger and then sadness. and i go through the cycle. it came to a point where i forgot how to feel, i had been numb for so long, and i had forgotten how to let my emotions do their thing. but this sport, it's full of adrenaline. it forces emotion out of me in the rawest form, in a way so fast that i don't have time to think about how it should be conveyed. it just is. and that is why i love climbing as much as i do. because it makes me feel. and to me, it seems it is in such an authentic and raw form. because my over analytical brain simply doesn't have time to change my actions or feelings. climbing forces things from me that i haven't had in a long time. it forces me to feel. it forces me to trust myself, and others. it forces me to have confidence in myself and my choices.

yoga is a new found love of mine. i helps to stretch and strengthen my poor body which is always in pain. it helps to in the least, lessen the pain and sometimes gets rid of it all together. it helps me to release the emotions as i move into different positions. i can feel them slip out of me as i slip deep into the pose, as i grunt and sigh. i leave feeling so light and free. yoga requires that i breathe in and out. and as i breathe in and out, i let go of whatever is holding me back from moving forward.

i struggle with an eating disorder. i flow back and forth between almost anorexic and anorexic. sometimes, it's a coping mechanism. sometimes, it's a control thing. my life spins out of control, and i don't eat, because i can control that. (i never claimed it was logical. (;  ) sometimes, it's simply a force of habit. other times, i am simply too poor to afford food, so i go on a little fast. none of the reasons aren't good ones. but all of them are real. and true. and it's equally mental for me as it is physical. i have pretty severe body image issues. which is something i am eventually going to work that out. i am starting to look into someone to talk to about it all. i am just picky. i need a sweet's from bones. (honest to blog) a new, fresh from school, young boy. that would make talking easier. one that is so gung-ho to have someone at all that they will listen earnestly to every single detail. that's what i want. or more, need.



xo


air