life

for so long i lived to please others, to make them proud, to do what they thought was right.

it took me years to realize why i was unhappy, why i always felt so drained and exhausted on every level. and even after i realized it, it took me a good two years more to act on it.

it's a scary thing, really. to stop living your life for others when it's all you know. to start realizing and following your own aspirations and living in a way that makes you happy.

it's harder still when family and friends give judgement rather than support. when in reality, all that should matter is the happiness and well being of the one you love.

i haven't decided on anything destructive or harmful.

i am transitioning to a more natural, herbal, holistic lifestyle. in every facet, from diet to medicine to spirituality.

i believe in directing the earth's energy, i believe in crystals having a healing power and the ability to transform energy; i believe that herbs, herbal extracts, and oils are far more effective and bioavailable than synthetic medication; i believe in mind over matter, i believe in being open,enlightened, loving, and giving.

i finally realized that it is okay to do what i love because i love it, even if it isn't going to get me half a million dollars a year. even if it isn't good enough for others, because at the end of the day, i have to live with myself. because what other's think of me, is really none of my business, it's theirs.

all that matters is it makes me happy. and whole. and healthy. all that matters is that it is good enough for me.

i am going to be a massage therapist, a structural integrationist, and a photographer. and some day, a wife and mother.

i am beyond happy with this lifestyle change, it brings me excitement and joy. i have felt the spirit more while practicing yoga and meditation than i ever have at any other time in my life.

in this belief system, i do not tear myself down. i don't feel negative or upset. i don't feel inadequate or knowledgeable. i don't feel the need to be the epitome of perfeection. i feel no pressure from either the religion or the culture of the religion.

this belief system uplifts me, invigorates me, rejuvenates me, inspires me, and motivates me. it is everything i have been searching for. it is the happy shiny light in my life and keeps me grounded, centered, and happy.

it is a journey, it isn't something that has or will change over night. it's a choice i have to make daily, and some days, i don't have the umph to make that choice. but most days, i make the choice, and i never regret it when i do.



xo


air